I was going to get up and get out and do stuff, but it's been so dreary and rainy all day. Was going to take my car to get the oil changed, but I couldn't go to sleep last night and thus couldn't get up early enough. Stayed in bed all morning - although I did get a hotel room for WrestleMania - and didn't eat breakfast until after 12:30. I even forgot about the 99 Jamz mix until a little after 12. After that I just watched a little TV. I saw the return of Britt McHenry (yes!) and then took a nap. Nothing on tap for tonight. I did have some of those Jimmy Dean corn dog type pancakes and sausage things. My mom said they were good, and she was right. Funny because I can't stand corn dogs.

Nothing to report, other than that. Next week is going to be busy, so I may just rest up and do a light workout tomorrow.

Finally, it's Friday evening...doesn't mean much here, but I do get to sleep in tomorrow (if I don't take my car to get the oil changed). Today was an "interesting " day - not because of what happened to me, but because of what happened to a coworker's husband. He extended his hand for a handshake with another one of our colleagues, and the colleague ran away. He then had to tell the person that he was CW's husband...and all of a sudden, everything was supposedly okay. Obviously, it's not okay because colleague ran away from CW's husband without any threat of - well, a threat. Just when I was going to consider this week a win for black folks since Loretta Lynch was confirmed and no one died, this has to happen.

In better news, I had a random thought to call my dad and tell him I love him right before lunch. I called him when I got home for lunch. Couldn't remember the last time I told him, so I figured it'd be a good thing to do...and I did it.

Not too much else went on in my day otherwise. Going to work out, probably when I finish up here. I need to go light since it's been a while, but I know myself better than that. Going to go as hard as I can until I get back to where I was. Nothing else planned for the night, although I need to get back into playing GTA so I can finish the game before Arkham comes out.

Well, time to get under this bar.

So today was pretty cool. Spent a little more grocery shopping than I expected to, but that's okay. There were some great deals at Publix. BOGO on Entenmann's pound cake was the real highlight. Nothing really happened today, but I did read that our idiot governor threatened to veto Senate ideas if they don't kowtow to him and the House on Medicaid expansion. This is the Rick Scott I've come to expect via his first term. All that reaching out stuff has ceased since he has his seat. Ah well.

Actually decided to dress like I'm 10 years younger than I am when I went shopping. Cardinals hat and jersey with blue jeans. Just felt like going for a different look. I can't change my hair or wear a wig, so I just have to dig out the old clothes and go from there. Speaking of, that ep of Catfish last night...I knew what it was going to be from the beginning. It ended really well, though: both of them had a lot of courage to go through with it, comport themselves well, and then let the show air.

Well, tomorrow is Friday...I think I'm going to have to go run errands, but I don't mind. Shoot, it's hard to be upset bout much of anything on Friday. Even here in Tallahassee, where there are zero social options for people over 25. I'll probably just watch some TV and go to sleep...oh yeah, tomorrow's the day to get back under the bar. It's going to hurt and I'm not going to be able to do what I could before I left, but I'll deal with it. Oh, that's what I was going to say: I heard "Dro In The Wind" by Trick on the radio today (it's the "Trick love the kids" song, if the title doesn't jog the memory). He has a line where he says he's a buck six five...I remember when I used to switch that to a buck two five. Now I don't have to switch anything anymore. Random as anything, but it's cool.

Also happy that Britt McHenry will be back on ESPN this weekend. Channel wasn't worth watching without her...well, it was when Prim Siripipat was on SportsCenter.

Okay, going to vibe to this Music Choice for a minute...right now Buggin' Out by A Tribe Called Quest is on.

Xanga...it's Wednesday. Pretty normal day at work. I'm going to miss the old boss when he leaves in a couple of months. He's funny. Trying to think...nothing special happened today at the office. Funny thing was that I somehow got the urge to listen to Rhythm Syndicate's "P.A.S.S.I.O.N." while I was at work (it's a song from 1991, for you young folk). Looked it up on YouTube when I got home. Decided I didn't feel like cooking, so I'm thawing out Publix scallops to put in the oven. Unlike a former resident of this town, I pay for my seafood from there. Right now I'm watching Scarface and waiting for Catfish to come on. I should go to the store, but I don't feel like it. Then again, there are a few things I should do that I don't feel like doing.

Speaking of irresponsibility, I'm leaning toward putting off paying my credit card balance until the end of the summer and going home for my birthday (I could do both, but the latter would be much more fun if I didn't do the former). Actually, it'd have to happen in September...that's when night hustle checks would return, so the blow would be softened. Well, that and the fact that I'd have five additional months to stack. I'll see what things look like next week and figure it out then. Actually, there's no minus to paying it all...shoot, I don't know. I'll figure it out, but something tells me I'll go a judicious route. Methinks that's it for now. See y'all tomorrow.

So, this "back" thing obviously hit a few snags with my not posting over the weekend. I think the last time I posted was either Thursday or Friday. Not much happened since then: all I did over the weekend was clean up a bit (okay, a decent amount) and watch YouTube video game playthroughs. Yeah, I know: regular social magnet I am. That's what happens when almost all of your people leave and the one who's left doesn't like going out. I did see Maryam Nemazee on Al Jazeera, which is always a win. She's got to be one of the ten most attractive (famous) women in the world. I'm not into the "video model" types, even though I was friendly with one for a while. I'm more into newswomen: Maryam, Richelle Carey, Tamron Hall, Melissa Knowles, Morgan Radford, Anne Marie Green, Reena Ninan...yeah, that list could go on for a long time. I think tha...no, I know that's why I watch so much news. Hey, I pay attention and stay informed so it's a win-win. If a man's on, I flip to something else. There are enough attractive newswomen that I don't have to watch a newscast with a man.

At any rate, yesterday was a normal Monday. Some crazy guy left 38 messages on the office voicemail. Guess who got to spend 2.5 hours listening to them? Put me behind a bit with other stuff, but I was able to catch up. Almost had a conniption when I thought I lost my thumb drive - which is crucial for the night hustle - but I found it on the second go-round. Got out of there a little bit early, but was tired so I basically went to sleep.

Today was a little smoother, although I had to light into someone - well, as much as I could - for not returning something on time. Funny how those closest to you can be the least considerate. It's not even a personal thing: it affects others more than it does me, and I think that's why I'm relatively upset. I can make do, but to be unfair to others isn't cool in my book.

Caught up on Gotham and now I'm waiting for SHIELD and Finding Carter. Looking into Avengers for next Thursday, but only regular shows are available at 7. I don't like 3D (hate the glasses) and the only IMAX show is at 12:01, which doesn't work because I have a long day in front of me next Friday. Guess I'm checking out a 7 show...on one of the seven screens that will be available. There are four more for 3D.

Tomorrow should be alright: just got to finish up some night hustle stuff and...I think that's it. Oh: tomorrow is admin professionals' day. Since I've been pushed into the admin prof world, I guess this means I'll get the customary gift card and day off. Might use it and the floating holiday to partly comprise taking a week off around my birthday. The thing that's holding me back is the amount of money I'd spend going home. It seems like a YOLO moment and I would like to correct some of the things that went wrong last time I was home, though. We'll see.

I've noticed that my appetite is coming back, and not a moment too soon since I'm going to get back under the bar soon. It'll either be tomorrow or Thursday: I just need to figure out a schedule that won't get interrupted next week, since I work out after work and there are after-work things...ah, got it: I'll start back Friday. It'll give me a chance to do some pushups to get back in the groove tomorrow.

Got to figure out why there's this cloud of unhappiness over me, though...and how to get rid of it. If I need to travel to do it, I'm in trouble.

Things are improving: feeling better on both fronts. Thankfully, tomorrow is Friday. I may take my car in for an oil change on Saturday, but I doubt it.

I got a lot done today, although I left a little bit for tomorrow. Not sure how busy tomorrow will be, but it'll probably be a light day. I may find some random stuff to do, but things should be nice. No plans for the weekend, other than getting back on the workout routine. I need to get a pair of running shoes...actually, I need a couple pairs of regular shoes too. Only thing is I'm trying not to spend too much so I can pay off my credit card at the end of the month. I think I mentioned that last night. It would do a whole lot of damage to my bank account, but it makes no sense to have the money sit in my account while that balance keeps accruing interest. It's a net negative, so I need to cancel that (the negative part, not the card itself). Besides, I don't have plans on spending much money over the summer...and if I really need anything, I can use the card since I'll have the whole balance on it. I could do chunks at a time, but I'm a "wipe it all out" kind of guy.

Nothing special happened today...just a regular Thursday. I work with some pretty funny people on the nightshift, though. That reminds me: I need to prepare for next week tomorrow. Also need to clean this place up (finally) at some point this weekend. I've really slacked on domestic stuff, so I need to make that right.

All in all, I'm cool: even the smallest step forward is still...well, forward.

Nothing to watch on TV tonight, so I may just watch YouTube videos (I like watching video game walkthroughs in particular) or just go to sleep early. If I do the latter, I'll be up in the middle of the night watching World News Now (Reena Ninan) and Up to the Minute (Anne-Marie Green). I'd watch them anyway, but it's much less upsetting to my wake-up routine if I see how they look and turn back over rather than watching them for an hour or more.

Well, it's dinner time. Sooner or later, I'll really get back in the groove of writing.

So, today was the beginning of the road back to normalcy. Things started to get back on track, both during the day and otherwise.

Starting to feel better - both physically and mentally - but I'm not where I need to be in either area yet. Probably won't be until the weekend, and maybe not even then.

There's really no rush since I won't leave Tallahassee again for another month and a week. Here I don't need to be up about anything (or even alright) because nothing ever happens here. I can just float and meander through life without much effort or feeling...which is a huge part of the problem in being here, but that's another matter. I can just let things flow naturally until I'm all the way right again: there's nothing that can happen here to speed up that process, or to slow it down. Knowing that, I can coast. The trip will take as long as it takes. Shoot, after the trip next month there's a decent chance I don't leave Tallahassee again until October. I think I'll be alright by then.

I would talk about my existing instead of living here, but Catfish will be on soon. For now, I know I'm on the road back. How far down that road, I have no idea. When will I complete the trip? I'm clueless. I am thankful, though; that I feel better now than I did 24 hours ago...well, 25 hours ago - SHIELD was pretty good last night. So was Finding Carter. There was something I was going to say, but I can't remember what it was. Oh well. What I'll say instead is that I'm happy to be back and writing again. Maybe this is part of the trip, and more than just an account thereof.

Alright, time to see what Nev and Max are up to.

So, I didn't think this was ever going to happen for two reasons...one, I didn't know what Xanga would look like; and two, I didn't know I'd need it again.

Well, here I am.

After doing all kinds of things - talking about my thoughts on FB, trying out WP and Blogger - here I am, back where it all started. Will I post every day like I used to? I have no idea. All I know is I'm here now.

I can't even remember when I last posted here, so I'll say a little about where I am now. I'm 36 and I work at a nonprofit. I still live in Tallahassee. I make a decent amount - a lot more than I did when I left, let alone when I started - and I also have an academic side hustle.

A lot's happened over the last few months, the main thing being the changes going on at the day job. I'm now doing the work of three people (the other two were let go) and things are only going to get busier.

I'm also fighting the urge to move back home and spend more time with my parents. So many of my friends and relatives have lost at least one, and I keep getting sobering reminders that mine won't be here forever.

Nothing going on in the love/attraction life: my taste has improved, but the results haven't. When you're 26 and nothing is going on in that area, you don't think much of it. When you're 36, it starts to matter a little more. Oh well: que sera sera. The frustrating thing is that I think I'm a much better person than I've ever been - learned from mistakes, haven't repeated them - and I've somehow become far less attractive than I was. I've even gained about 40 pounds (pretty much in the last four years) and...sigh. I keep telling my married friends (which is pretty much all of them now) that I'm the proof of how special their situations are in that I show they're not for everybody.

Still have pretty much all the same interests as I did before, although I don't listen to music nearly as much...well, not current music. I also don't go out nearly as much, but who goes out as much in a college town at 36 as they did at 26? Students have seen me out.

Anyway, I know this is really jumbled; but I guess that's where I am in life and how I feel: jumbled. Nothing seems right. I went home last week: in some ways, it was everything I wanted it to be. In others, it seems like I failed at every turn. It's not like that with different matters, it's like that with the same events/things.

I can't really explain it to anyone, because I'm not sure anyone would understand. Even if they did, they couldn't do anything about it. I just feel alone...well, because I am. All my friends except two have left, all the people I really trusted at work left, and the only family I have here is my cousin's ex-husband (who has really been cool to me over the years, I must say).

I can't say I'm writing to make myself feel better...I don't know why I am. Maybe as I keep writing I'll figure it out.

My last Xanga entry...I'll keep it short and sweet - something I didn't often do.

Forwarding information is Benny Brown II on Facebook and @OigoLasVoces on Twitter.

Last thing I want to say, and I mean this from the bottom of my heart: in one way or another, I love everyone that has ever had anything to do with Xanga, especially everyone who's ever read a word I've said. I wish you all nothing but the best in life. I really do love you all.

I knew it’d been a while, but I didn’t think it’d been two weeks. Oh well, let’s get started.

Work

Same as it ever was, even though session is winding down and things are getting easier. Still haven’t seen my representative yet, due to scheduling issues. This may get rectified tonight if the House stops getting out before I leave (which has been the problem).

Social

A new spot finally opened last Friday. It wasn’t enough fun to be an “every week” spot, but I’ll probably go every now and again. I had an interesting night, though. I was standing at a table texting someone and felt a hand slide down my back. Now, I wasn’t thinking anything because random touches happen all the time at a club. I ignored it and kept right on texting. It happened again, and I ignored it again. After several repeat instances this girl came in front of me and started dancing. So I started dancing with her and then she kissed me…and then I kissed her back…and then her friends whisked her away (note: these things shouldn’t still be happening at 33). The club was live until the end of the night, when (of course) this huge fight broke out that went from one side of the club to the other.

Movies

Saw Safe House last Saturday, and really wasn’t impressed. It was a decent movie, but Man on a Ledge left me much more entertained. This past Saturday I saw Ghost Rider, which was pretty good. It wasn’t as “comic book”-ish as the first one.

Love

I really wanted to put a link to the YouTube clip of the crickets sound here, but I won’t.

Family

I went to my cousin’s dad’s place last Sunday and he told me that (once again, long story short) my cousin was kicked out of his apartment and became a fugitive. His dad told me that he believes my cousin finally turned himself in last night. His court appearance - of course, if he turned himself in - was this morning. Have to find out what happened.

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I think that about covers the last couple of weeks. The next couple of weeks should be interesting, to say the least.